Swedish Randomness

Did you know

(These may or may not be 100% accurate, but hey, I don't get paid to look sh*t up for verification)

• Dogs, not just or only-seeing eye dogs, are allowed on the subway (certain cars).
• It is normal to have smoked salmon (cold of course) for breakfast. It's pretty good actually.
• You can pick up your mailed packages from the local 7-eleven - which are EVERYWHERE.
• Getting into nightclubs in Stockholm is almost as tough as getting through New York airport security.
• This is the most messed up thing I've seen yet (Swedish elevator sticker)...OUCH!
• If you want to purchase the 'good' beer / wine / spirits, you need to go to the government owned liquor stores.
• You need to purchase your own little grocery bag when you shop (paper or plastic)
• Swedish Rap Music isn't all together that bad.
• A dessert called Sorbet of Sea Buckthorn (it's a berry) isn't too bad either.
• There are some 'interesting' little bars / restaurants tucked away in some of the subway stations.
• The trendy thing is to hang out in Hotel Bars / Restaurants. (After 2 months of living in a hotel, it will be LONG time before I consider hanging out here fun...)

• You get assigned seating at the movie theater.
• Swedes drive on the right side of the road and most actually stop for pedestrians
• Most US TV programs have Swedish subtitles...that's one way to learn the language I guess.
• Depending on where you are in the city, everything shuts down about 8pm.
• Depending on where you are in the city, everything opens about 8pm.
• At the winter solstice in late December, the day lasts about only six hours, whereas at the summer solstice in late June, Stockholm's daylight period extends beyond 18 hours.
• Tipping is around 10% or less of the bill.
• Swedes seem to like to run to catch the subway train even though one will follow in about 1.5 minutes. I haven't figured that one out yet.
• Swedes walk VERY VERY VERY fast. I get passed by people all the time - even the elderly. Sad sad sad.
• Everyone on the subway is either reading a free metro-news paper, listening to their i-pods, or is on the phone. I feel like I'm on a nature safari or at the zoo because I don't do any of those - I just watch people.
• Pippi Longstocking (Pippi Långstrump) is very popular.

That's all I've got for now. I might add summore later.

We're Coming to America

The Adventure Thus Far....

Let’s recap :

Moved from one city to another in Georgia. Drove for like the 5th time in my life on a highway (I have serious phobias about nothing). Moved in a hurry from the US to Stockholm. Spent 2 months in a hotel. Finally got an apartment in Stockholm.  That pretty much sums it up right there....

God Bless America

Well, now that I was getting settled in Stockholm, of course that meant it was time for a change of scenery. SO, off on a business trip I went (and on the side, pack some stuff to ship to myself).

As we all know by now, nothing NORMAL ever happens to me. SO, here we go:

A funny thing happened on the way to Arlanda

I killed my Swedish cell phone (couldn’t memorize an eight digit PIN) and I had a SEVERE panic at the Stockholm airport. I was freaking out as I was only at that airport once, about 2 months prior with my husband and this time I was on my own. I wasn’t crying (really too hard) just shaky and a little teary-eyed because I had no idea what I was doing / where I was going.

To strangers who happened to observe me that day, I looked normal (hee hee). If any friend saw me that day, they could easily tell I was faking being normal or trying to fake I was normal. If you haven’t figured this out by now, I have phobias about things normal people wouldn’t even think twice about. I’m just not wired the same.  I do a lot (I mean a lot) of things daily that freak me out, I just do it by pretending I’m OK with it.

After a while it just becomes normal to be so damned uncomfortable. If I had to label it, it would be something like Agoraphobia-lite, but I’m no expert nor do I plan on seeing one anytime soon. I try not to call ’it’ something as I prefer not to use it as a crutch. I freak out when I go out, I know this about myself, so I deal with it by talking myself into doing it / pretending I know where I’m going / what I’m doing. Ok. Enough with the serious talk...

So, half a pack of cigarettes later and 2 wrong service counters (even after I asked someone - so that was no real help) I finally got to the correct gate. Thank you Sweet Baby Jesus.

The plane ride was a blur. I fell asleep and woke up in time for a meal. Next thing I knew, I was landing in Newark. THAT was interesting.

Everywhere around the world they’re coming to America

HOLY CRAP. This place (Newark Airport) is like Escher’s hell. I found it so hard to get around this place compared to Stockholm's airport. It was mental.

I was doing OK following the crowd off the airplane, but when I got to passport control - that was interesting. The guy handling the line I was in was extremely business-like trying to herd the crowd along yelling "C’mon guys. This way! Let’s go!"

When I got to the dude and handed over my passport, he seemed to be taking a long time reviewing it and looking at me. I’m thinking OH CRAP, just my luck that I can’t get back into my own country. Wouldn’t that be the highlight of my life right now?

FINALLY, he says "Are you Dominican?"  I may not be the brightest bulb, but occasionally, I do blink. I was pretty sure this dude was hitting on me. I responded, "If I said yes, would you stamp that quicker?"  Surprisingly he laughed , smiled, and asked again. I said, "I’m Cape Verdean."  He then drew an air-map of Africa and pinpointed the Cape Verde Islands. I was impressed. He said he knew some Cape Verdeans and they all seem "to have dark eyes" like mine. He finally handed me back my passport. Thank you Sweet Baby Jesus, I’m in AMERICA!

Delta Dawn, what’s that flower you have on?

All I had to do was find the friggin Delta counter, get my boarding pass, find a bar and go to the gate. That’s it. That’s the goal. But, no Delta counter. Nada. Nothing. Lost AGAIN.

So here I am, walking around asking who ever would respond, where is the Delta counter. They all pointed to places I have already searched. Mental. Then I see the exit doors. Screw this, I have to go through security again anyway so...smoke’em if you got’em.

I made a few calls outside (US cell phone was now working) explaning quicky to my girl, Holly, that I have been like Tom Hanks in that movie the Terminal just wandering around trying to find this friggin Delta counter.

 I go back in and ask one more guy behind the SAS (Scandinavian Air) counter:

ME: "Excuse me, can you tell me where the Delta ticket counter is?"

SAS: "Yes. See that large red sign?" (It was easily 7ft tall and read ’SAS: Full Service Care’)

ME: "Yes"

SAS: "It’s behind that big red sign"

ME: "Oh.....Perhaps if you lowered your SAS sign people can see the frigging Delta counter!" (Ya’ll know what I said...it definitely wasn’t frigging)

I FINALLY get to the Delta counter and I ended up with a genuine honest-to-God Soft-Talker. I had NO CLUE what this guy was saying. Couldn’t hear a word of it. I don’t even think there was air in this man’s lungs to produce sound if he wanted.  He would have made an excellent mime.  I had to lean so far over the counter and say "WHAT?" so many times, he finally realized I obviously didn’t speak English and this was my first trip to the US.

So, Soft-Talker starts to use hand signals in between simplified English directions:

(He hands me my boarding pass)  "GATE 46!" (Holds up 4 fingers and then holds up 6 fingers)

"THAT WAY!" (Points to the right)

I’m playing charades in the middle of an airport from Hell with the Soft-Talker-Mime-Man who works at the Hidden Ticket Counter. All that was needed was Mr. Tumnus to come wakling by in my little Chronicles of Newark story. Sweet Baby Jesus.

I FINALLY get to my gate (Gate 46 to the right - duh) and start giggling to myself like a moron because nothing with me is ever straight forward. 

Either this stuff happens to people all the time and they are used to it, or freaks and weirdos are just drawn to me...the jury is still out on that one.

It ain’t over till it’s over

OK. Just one more flight and I’m home free. They call my zone. I walk up. Boarding-pass-scanner-lady beeped me in and....

Just when I’m ready to walk down the ramp to board the plane, Juggernaught from the X-Men comes barrelling back up the ramp (blocking my and everyone else’s entry) and starts yelling at the boarding-pass-scanner-lady.  

He is seated at one of those bulk-head things and starts screaming that he can’t sit there because of his knee surgery. All he wanted to do was switch seats with someone. The boarding-pass-scanner-lady said all he had to do was ask someone. 

Juggernaught didn’t catch on and kept yelling. I was trying to sneak behind him somehow just to get on the damned plane. It seemed like it took me about 5min of maneuvering before I was able to slip in under his elbow. 

What the hell man...I just want to go home for cryin out loud!

What else could possibly happen?

I will not bore you with too many details, BUT, my car died on the way to my business meeting (something to do with my battery, belts, bongles, bits and bobs), I dropped my personal US cell phone in the rain, it fell in a puddle, I tried to get it and stepped on it with my high heels. For those of you keeping score, that is 2 cell phones gone in less than a week - Swedish and US -- nice! My credit card was cut off, my ATM card wasn’t working, and I broke my favorite lip-stick. HA! Good times. Good times.

Any good come out of all of this?

When my car died at a gas station, the way this trip has gone so far, nothing really bothered me as much and everything was kinda OK and funny in a messed up way. SO...I walked into the gas station /convenience shop, where there were about 6 guys getting morning coffee /snacks, and I say really loudly in the thickest most hillbilly-accent you’ve ever heard:

"Can one ya’ll jump me?"

The 6 guys come racing outside...

"I meant the car"

4 guys walk back inside...

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When I took my car to the auto-parts store, the guy at the counter said, "Ma’am, you have bad diodes."

I said, "Sir, you don’t know me well enough to say that to me."

"Ma’am, I meant the car."

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When I needed to jump my car before I got to the mechanics, the hotel’s maintenance guy was Methuselah himself who named all of his tools....His favorite is Sparky, his jumper cables.

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At the mechanics, the owner was going to have one of his employees drop me off at work. This was a really big dude, so I asked the owner:

Me: "Can I trust him?"

Owner: "For about 5 minutes"

Me: "Thank God I work only 3 minutes away. Let’s go."

Mechanic: "I just need to wait for about 2 more minutes."

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That is all for now...I’ll keep you posted if something zany happens on my way back to Stockholm.

Sweet Baby Jesus.

What about Michelle?

Välkommen! Bienvenue! Welcome! Come on in!

I will skip work related items and stick only to my experiences in Sweden. I realize that work is why I am here, but an office, is an office...What I will say about working in Sweden is how much I love to hear the different accents in the office - Italian, Russian, Swedish, British, German, French, etc. I wonder if I sound to them what they sound like to me? Probably.

Oh, and I figured out which subway / train to take to get to work, so that was cool (much less $$$ than taking a taxi).

 Don't Hustle Me, I'm Local

Before I begin, let me just add quickly that to understand me, you need to watch the movie, "What about Bob?" and keep your eye on Bill Murray. In the movie he is trying to do everyday things which freak him out, but he takes 'baby steps' to be 'normal.' I am a lot like that, not as severe as he is in the movie, but close enough and you'll get the point. SO, it takes A LOT for me to do ANYTHING I've never done before...but I digress.

Everybody's Working For the Weekend

Like I said, and office is an office, so to be honest, I was already looking forward to the weekend when I was planning on hopping on one of these trains to find one of the many tourist areas where my ignorance of the culture won't be so unexpected. Not to mention, I have no idea what I'm doing in general so needed a break from being an idiot...

As it turns out, we were only about 6 minutes away from 'Old Town' or Gamla Stan. We planned on going there, but got sidetracked when we saw this - Åhléns City - which marks an area where there are blocks and and blocks of shopping. Normally, I hate shopping because it always involves a Mall. I hate the Mall - too many people just standing around and not moving, staring at items they have no intention of buying...what a nightmare.

BUT - this... I had to see what they've got in there. 

SO...I picked a little something for myself. It is harsh to say that I am cheap - so I prefer the term, frugal. However, this had to be mine...

This little beauty is perfect for walking around the city. I can store my camera, soda, wallet, map, phone (not that it's working here), and other items I buy in the tourist traps - SWEET. AND, it is big enough to fit my computer for the office - DOUBLE SWEET! Needless to say, we didn't make it to Old Town that day...

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Alberto had to fly back to the States soon. I do not have to mention that sucked for me BIG TIME. Needless to say, I wigged out when he got in that taxi to go back to Georgia.

After he drove off, I had a few (dozen) cigarettes, and then I made myself to go to Gamla Stan by myself that day. It took me about 30-40 mins to convince myself to go. Not too bad, but I need to work on that.

It was worth the panic attack...

Home Swede Home

Legal Alien

They sendin me to Sweden. It's this whole other country.

Ok. So when last we spoke, I was walking around Gamla Stan like any other lost tourist. Pretty sweet. I planned to visit this location again and other places of interest every weeked until I felt comfortable in the city.

WRONG ANSWER.

I got sick  - so that was not cool. It never turned into full blown Flu, but it got reallly, really close. I spent the next few weekends sleeping and barely moving. I didn't miss any work though as my fever was not that bad and I had some meds to control the other symptoms during the day. I didn't have to worry about contaminating anyone else at the office as everyone was sick too. I was luckier than most and got over it in a little over 2 weeks. Everyone else seems to have had it for 3 to 4 weeks - that sux.

I basically took Tylenol, Mucinex and some throat numbing stuff. As I slept most of my entire weekends away and drank tons of tea (everything else hurt too much), that seemed to have done the trick. Kick ass.

Yeah, you blend.

The really good news is that during this period of sickness, I got the authorization to work and reside in Sweden from the government. That is so awesome. I have worked most of my life just to claw and scratch my way to be a legal alien. How marvelous. Born in Masschusetts. Educated in New Hamshire. Live in Georgia. Work in Sweden. It's the American dream...is it not? Oh, and I so totally blend into this culture...I don't stick out AT ALL.

Give us Dirty Laundry. Kick em when they're up. Kick em when they're down.

During the weekends I was feeling better, I was doing laundry.  I am being serious. Entire weekends dedicated to laundry.  I am not exaggerating. The 'express' cycle on the machine takes about 4 hours to wash and dry.  Is that not ridiculous? MY GOD. 

What you do is put your wash in early in the morning...go walk around, have some brunch, go back and throw it into the dryer...go walk around, have some dinner. That's it. The day is over.  Sad sad sad.

Mix in how early the stores close and the weekend is OVER.

Actually, laundry is my theory as to why people are always rushing on the Subway. They are not being rude or cold when they push by you...they are trying to get home in time to put the next load in before they end up losing the whole day (vs most of the day) doing laundry.

For a country dedicated so much to conservation, 4 hours for one tiny load of laundry seems like a bit waste to me...but then again, I am just a legal alien here, so who am I to judge?

The reason for the length of time - it's a combo washer-dryer about the size of a freshman dorm room fridge....Nice.

I'm leavin...on that midnight train to Skanstull

Speaking of the subway. I have finally hit a personal goal! Since I've been in Stockholm, I set small (baby-steps) personal goals for myself. Like learning how to maneuver through T-Centralen without getting trampled, buying cigarettes without getting carded, perfectly timing using the subway pass and tucking it back into my pocket by the time I reach the escalator...things like that. Mastered those by the way - except the carded thing...

Well, the one that took me the longest seemed like the one that I should have picked up the quickest. Swedes can walk downstairs at a relatively good clip without using the hand rails - and keep their hands in their pockets. It's amazing to see. You would think this is easy but try it sometime. Seriously. Try walking down 30 - 40 steps with 5 steps per second.

Not that easy my friend - especially with your hands in your pockets....BUT...I think I've got it.  I struggle with the hands in pockets thing sometimes - too much of a clutz to do something that crazy, especially when the weather is a bit slick.

Raindrops keep fallin on my head..2..3..4

The weather was OK during this time period. This has been the warmest winter ever for Stockholm, so it has been a lot of overcast days with rain - but hardly any snow. It did snow once in the two months I've been in Stockholm. It started on a Saturday afternoon and was gone by Sunday night. It was pretty while it lasted.

The wind can get kinda mean toward the evening, but all in all, the temp has been between 0 to 2 °C. I'll give you a few moments to look up the conversion rate on Google...I'll wait. 

Right before I left for the US (business meeting), it hit 5 °C. Friggin heatwave baby!

Knock Three Times on the Ceiling if you want me

OK....I FINALLY GOT into my apartment less than one day before I started to head back to the US. The ONLY way I got into the building was that they were told I was MIDDLE-AGED and have had a job with the same company for 8 years...

Translation "OLD BORING WORK-A-HOLIC LADY WHO HAS NO LIFE THEREFORE WILL NOT BE THROWING ANY WILD PARTIES."

Dang. That hurt.

But, to be honest, it's probably true (not the middle-aged part for cryin' out loud!). I do work a lot and probably will never have any crazy parties. It's a cute apartment. You'se guys would like it.

It's not extravagant, but it is in a nice area...not to mention 2 blocks away from  a Restaurant street in Stockholm and direcly across the street from a bar which will become my local afterwork hangout (it has an outdoor heated drinking / smoking area )...ah.....HEAVEN!I was in my apartment long enough to pack and catch a flight to the US ...which, of course, has so far been it's own adventure.

NICE. Never a dull moment when I'm around.