The Adventure Thus Far....
Let’s recap :
Moved from one city to another in Georgia. Drove for like the 5th time in my life on a highway (I have serious phobias about nothing). Moved in a hurry from the US to Stockholm. Spent 2 months in a hotel. Finally got an apartment in Stockholm. That pretty much sums it up right there....
God Bless America
Well, now that I was getting settled in Stockholm, of course that meant it was time for a change of scenery. SO, off on a business trip I went (and on the side, pack some stuff to ship to myself).
As we all know by now, nothing NORMAL ever happens to me. SO, here we go:
A funny thing happened on the way to Arlanda
I killed my Swedish cell phone (couldn’t memorize an eight digit PIN) and I had a SEVERE panic at the Stockholm airport. I was freaking out as I was only at that airport once, about 2 months prior with my husband and this time I was on my own. I wasn’t crying (really too hard) just shaky and a little teary-eyed because I had no idea what I was doing / where I was going.
To strangers who happened to observe me that day, I looked normal (hee hee). If any friend saw me that day, they could easily tell I was faking being normal or trying to fake I was normal. If you haven’t figured this out by now, I have phobias about things normal people wouldn’t even think twice about. I’m just not wired the same. I do a lot (I mean a lot) of things daily that freak me out, I just do it by pretending I’m OK with it.
After a while it just becomes normal to be so damned uncomfortable. If I had to label it, it would be something like Agoraphobia-lite, but I’m no expert nor do I plan on seeing one anytime soon. I try not to call ’it’ something as I prefer not to use it as a crutch. I freak out when I go out, I know this about myself, so I deal with it by talking myself into doing it / pretending I know where I’m going / what I’m doing. Ok. Enough with the serious talk...
So, half a pack of cigarettes later and 2 wrong service counters (even after I asked someone - so that was no real help) I finally got to the correct gate. Thank you Sweet Baby Jesus.
The plane ride was a blur. I fell asleep and woke up in time for a meal. Next thing I knew, I was landing in Newark. THAT was interesting.
Everywhere around the world they’re coming to America
HOLY CRAP. This place (Newark Airport) is like Escher’s hell. I found it so hard to get around this place compared to Stockholm's airport. It was mental.
I was doing OK following the crowd off the airplane, but when I got to passport control - that was interesting. The guy handling the line I was in was extremely business-like trying to herd the crowd along yelling "C’mon guys. This way! Let’s go!"
When I got to the dude and handed over my passport, he seemed to be taking a long time reviewing it and looking at me. I’m thinking OH CRAP, just my luck that I can’t get back into my own country. Wouldn’t that be the highlight of my life right now?
FINALLY, he says "Are you Dominican?" I may not be the brightest bulb, but occasionally, I do blink. I was pretty sure this dude was hitting on me. I responded, "If I said yes, would you stamp that quicker?" Surprisingly he laughed , smiled, and asked again. I said, "I’m Cape Verdean." He then drew an air-map of Africa and pinpointed the Cape Verde Islands. I was impressed. He said he knew some Cape Verdeans and they all seem "to have dark eyes" like mine. He finally handed me back my passport. Thank you Sweet Baby Jesus, I’m in AMERICA!
Delta Dawn, what’s that flower you have on?
All I had to do was find the friggin Delta counter, get my boarding pass, find a bar and go to the gate. That’s it. That’s the goal. But, no Delta counter. Nada. Nothing. Lost AGAIN.
So here I am, walking around asking who ever would respond, where is the Delta counter. They all pointed to places I have already searched. Mental. Then I see the exit doors. Screw this, I have to go through security again anyway so...smoke’em if you got’em.
I made a few calls outside (US cell phone was now working) explaning quicky to my girl, Holly, that I have been like Tom Hanks in that movie the Terminal just wandering around trying to find this friggin Delta counter.
I go back in and ask one more guy behind the SAS (Scandinavian Air) counter:
ME: "Excuse me, can you tell me where the Delta ticket counter is?"
SAS: "Yes. See that large red sign?"
ME: "Yes"
SAS: "It’s behind that big red sign"
ME: "Oh.....Perhaps if you lowered your SAS sign people can see the frigging Delta counter!" (Ya’ll know what I said...it definitely wasn’t frigging)
I FINALLY get to the Delta counter and I ended up with a genuine honest-to-God Soft-Talker. I had NO CLUE what this guy was saying. Couldn’t hear a word of it. I don’t even think there was air in this man’s lungs to produce sound if he wanted. He would have made an excellent mime. I had to lean so far over the counter and say "WHAT?" so many times, he finally realized I obviously didn’t speak English and this was my first trip to the US.
So, Soft-Talker starts to use hand signals in between simplified English directions:
(He hands me my boarding pass) "GATE 46!" (Holds up 4 fingers and then holds up 6 fingers)
"THAT WAY!" (Points to the right)
I FINALLY get to my gate (Gate 46 to the right - duh) and start giggling to myself like a moron because nothing with me is ever straight forward.
Either this stuff happens to people all the time and they are used to it, or freaks and weirdos are just drawn to me...the jury is still out on that one.
It ain’t over till it’s over
OK. Just one more flight and I’m home free. They call my zone. I walk up. Boarding-pass-scanner-lady beeped me in and....Just when I’m ready to walk down the ramp to board the plane, Juggernaught from the X-Men comes barrelling back up the ramp (blocking my and everyone else’s entry) and starts yelling at the boarding-pass-scanner-lady.
He is seated at one of those bulk-head things and starts screaming that he can’t sit there because of his knee surgery. All he wanted to do was switch seats with someone. The boarding-pass-scanner-lady said all he had to do was ask someone.
Juggernaught didn’t catch on and kept yelling. I was trying to sneak behind him somehow just to get on the damned plane. It seemed like it took me about 5min of maneuvering before I was able to slip in under his elbow.
What the hell man...I just want to go home for cryin out loud!
What else could possibly happen?
I will not bore you with too many details, BUT, my car died on the way to my business meeting (something to do with my battery, belts, bongles, bits and bobs), I dropped my personal US cell phone in the rain, it fell in a puddle, I tried to get it and stepped on it with my high heels. For those of you keeping score, that is 2 cell phones gone in less than a week - Swedish and US -- nice! My credit card was cut off, my ATM card wasn’t working, and I broke my favorite lip-stick. HA! Good times. Good times.
Any good come out of all of this?
When my car died at a gas station, the way this trip has gone so far, nothing really bothered me as much and everything was kinda OK and funny in a messed up way. SO...I walked into the gas station /convenience shop, where there were about 6 guys getting morning coffee /snacks, and I say really loudly in the thickest most hillbilly-accent you’ve ever heard:
"Can one ya’ll jump me?"
The 6 guys come racing outside...
"I meant the car"
4 guys walk back inside...
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When I took my car to the auto-parts store, the guy at the counter said, "Ma’am, you have bad diodes."
I said, "Sir, you don’t know me well enough to say that to me."
"Ma’am, I meant the car."
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When I needed to jump my car before I got to the mechanics, the hotel’s maintenance guy was Methuselah himself who named all of his tools....His favorite is Sparky, his jumper cables.
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At the mechanics, the owner was going to have one of his employees drop me off at work. This was a really big dude, so I asked the owner:
Me: "Can I trust him?"
Owner: "For about 5 minutes"
Me: "Thank God I work only 3 minutes away. Let’s go."
Mechanic: "I just need to wait for about 2 more minutes."
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That is all for now...I’ll keep you posted if something zany happens on my way back to Stockholm.
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